Panic Attack? - Possible Social Anxiety
Even as I write the title, I feel uncomfortable. In this last year, I've learnt about anxiety from YouTubers and the Tumblr community. I slowly began to wonder if I could have a mild social anxiety because I saw this and recognised almost every aspect.
Today, I had to drive with my mum to pick up some take-away from a restaurant in the middle of Copenhagen. Finding parking places near this was a nightmare and my mum casually parks in the spot that's reserved to the bus and tell me to get behind the wheel and wait while she goes to pick up the food. I do, although I'm uncomfortable.
I see a bus nearing in the review mirror and freak out, a bit more than I should. I turn the car around on the small road but can't park on the other side as there's no space for parking and it's only one lane, so I would block people. I drive forward remembering there's a parking area up ahead on the left hand side where I planned to just wait in the car although there's no spot.
But when I drive up through the crossing, I see that I can't possibly make it to the entrance from where I am. I sit waiting anxiously for the light to change and when it finally does I drive forward and intend to turn back on the road I came from. Not possible...
I'm forced to make a left turn onto the main road going through out capital and drive straight on. At this point I'm feeling very uncomfortable and even more so when I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I swiftly remove it, knowing it's probably my mum calling, wondering where I am but I can't talk right at that moment. And when I reach the next crossing I see the sign forbidding left turns. Getting more out of it, I head straight through the crossing and arrive at the next where there's our Rådhusplads at the left and I can't turn. I sit panicking in front of the red light on the left lane out of three.
Determined to make it back and trying to keep my nerves in check, I back up the car. Luckily, there's only one other car waiting for the light to change. I make it around that one car onto the right lane and turn on my indicator.
I turn right and head on over one crossing as that one forbids right turns which is what I needed to make to make it back. At this point it might be vital to mention that I have a horrible sense of direction and am not very familiar with the roads of Copenhagen other than the two routes I take to university or work.
At the next I make right turn and now need to head straight through one crossing and turn right at the next. Although when I arrive at the second crossing, I begin to doubt that this would be the right one. Now, I'm shaking and my heart is beginning to beat faster and I successfully fight back tears.
I make the turn, hoping that it's right and make it to another crossing over the main road. I drive straight through and turn right to find my mother standing with her arms full of the food. She's angry and waving at me and I pull up.
"I've been waiting for ten minutes! Where did you go?" she demands to know as soon as she opens the door and that's when I break.
I managed to hold it in while I was driving and on my own but not now with my mother angrily shouting at me.
She notices my distress and orders me out of the driving seat. I do as I'm told and silently but quickly walk around the back of the car and take the passenger seat.
She keeps talking demanding to know what happened but I can't focus on answering her.
My heart is beating violently and I'm crying uncontrollably as I soon begin to hyperventilate. I feel like I'm shaking and what's even worse it the tension in my forehead/temples. It's a tingeling feeling that feels hot and very unfamiliar. I remember hyperventilating and crying when I got really upset as a child and teenage but I've never felt this before and it's scary.
"Talk to me!" my mother yells while she drives and I try to shake my head. I mentally wish for her to stop talking to me, to give me a moment to collect myself but she doesn't.
"I can't!" I shout back.
"Why? What's the matter? Breathe... Come on, take a deep breath. Then another..." she instructs and tries to help me calm down.
I'm still breathing superficially but I can talk now and oh, do I talk.
I tell her that I'm worried that I might have social anxiety, which she rejects instantly.
"No, you don't," she says with such conviction that I might actually believe her.
I try to explain it to her the uncomfortableness I deal with in social situations or situations where I feel unsure. I ramble on and on while just looking straight ahead.
I did calm down but felt very unsettled afterwards and kind of still do.
I'm not sure if that was a panic attak or what but it definitely wasn't pleasant. I also feel like I have a slight headache now and my eyelids feel heavy.
Originally from http://tmblr.co/ZBBM0r15cQOYm
Today, I had to drive with my mum to pick up some take-away from a restaurant in the middle of Copenhagen. Finding parking places near this was a nightmare and my mum casually parks in the spot that's reserved to the bus and tell me to get behind the wheel and wait while she goes to pick up the food. I do, although I'm uncomfortable.
I see a bus nearing in the review mirror and freak out, a bit more than I should. I turn the car around on the small road but can't park on the other side as there's no space for parking and it's only one lane, so I would block people. I drive forward remembering there's a parking area up ahead on the left hand side where I planned to just wait in the car although there's no spot.
But when I drive up through the crossing, I see that I can't possibly make it to the entrance from where I am. I sit waiting anxiously for the light to change and when it finally does I drive forward and intend to turn back on the road I came from. Not possible...
I'm forced to make a left turn onto the main road going through out capital and drive straight on. At this point I'm feeling very uncomfortable and even more so when I feel my phone buzzing in my pocket. I swiftly remove it, knowing it's probably my mum calling, wondering where I am but I can't talk right at that moment. And when I reach the next crossing I see the sign forbidding left turns. Getting more out of it, I head straight through the crossing and arrive at the next where there's our Rådhusplads at the left and I can't turn. I sit panicking in front of the red light on the left lane out of three.
Determined to make it back and trying to keep my nerves in check, I back up the car. Luckily, there's only one other car waiting for the light to change. I make it around that one car onto the right lane and turn on my indicator.
I turn right and head on over one crossing as that one forbids right turns which is what I needed to make to make it back. At this point it might be vital to mention that I have a horrible sense of direction and am not very familiar with the roads of Copenhagen other than the two routes I take to university or work.
At the next I make right turn and now need to head straight through one crossing and turn right at the next. Although when I arrive at the second crossing, I begin to doubt that this would be the right one. Now, I'm shaking and my heart is beginning to beat faster and I successfully fight back tears.
I make the turn, hoping that it's right and make it to another crossing over the main road. I drive straight through and turn right to find my mother standing with her arms full of the food. She's angry and waving at me and I pull up.
"I've been waiting for ten minutes! Where did you go?" she demands to know as soon as she opens the door and that's when I break.
I managed to hold it in while I was driving and on my own but not now with my mother angrily shouting at me.
She notices my distress and orders me out of the driving seat. I do as I'm told and silently but quickly walk around the back of the car and take the passenger seat.
She keeps talking demanding to know what happened but I can't focus on answering her.
My heart is beating violently and I'm crying uncontrollably as I soon begin to hyperventilate. I feel like I'm shaking and what's even worse it the tension in my forehead/temples. It's a tingeling feeling that feels hot and very unfamiliar. I remember hyperventilating and crying when I got really upset as a child and teenage but I've never felt this before and it's scary.
"Talk to me!" my mother yells while she drives and I try to shake my head. I mentally wish for her to stop talking to me, to give me a moment to collect myself but she doesn't.
"I can't!" I shout back.
"Why? What's the matter? Breathe... Come on, take a deep breath. Then another..." she instructs and tries to help me calm down.
I'm still breathing superficially but I can talk now and oh, do I talk.
I tell her that I'm worried that I might have social anxiety, which she rejects instantly.
"No, you don't," she says with such conviction that I might actually believe her.
I try to explain it to her the uncomfortableness I deal with in social situations or situations where I feel unsure. I ramble on and on while just looking straight ahead.
I did calm down but felt very unsettled afterwards and kind of still do.
I'm not sure if that was a panic attak or what but it definitely wasn't pleasant. I also feel like I have a slight headache now and my eyelids feel heavy.
Comments
Post a Comment