Too Many Weeks of Pneumonia

I have spent most of November being sick with pneumonia. It was definitely not the way I wanted to spend one of my favourite months of the year. As the days turned darker and darker, so did my motivation as I continued to cough violently and have spurts of intense headaches. I had happily forgot what it felt like being ill for such extended periods of time. But I have gotten a reminder now and it just plainly sucks.


It started right after my birthday, which was just horrible timing. I was on a high and wanted to start my 23rd year on this Earth by picking myself up and being productive. It has ended up being the exact opposite of that and that brings me down more than I'm willing to admit. As illness always does, it brought along doctor visits and medicine, neither of which I am particularity fond of.

I do like my doctor for most parts. I have had the same doctor since I was three years old and she thankfully knows to take it seriously when I come to her on the rare occasion. I prefer to wait things out for a bit and then hope my body just gets better by itself. This time I was only twisting and turning and not sleeping for two days before I reached out but it took an additional day to get an appointment. And then ten days of swallowing three pills a day.

I have never been good at swallowing pills. It has been something that has been a major issue when I was younger because I just didn't know how to do it without the pill getting stuck and not going down with the water. Because of so many bad experiences, I just tried to stay away from pills all together. I even would try and wait out a headache instead of taking something for it. In the last few years, I have gotten over my "fear" but I still do not like it one bit.

That being said, I got a lot better at it this month. I mean, I sort of had to unless I would start choking up thrice a day. The fact that it was just a minor nuisance now instead of something I dreaded is perhaps the only good thing to come out of this whole experience.

Towards the end of my ten days of penicillin, I wasn't feeling too good and went back to the doctor for a check-up and a new swap for some different bacterias. Low and behold, the bacteria in my system didn't really get affected too much by the type of penicillin I was on. Bloody great. Now I am in the process of my second ten days (or I could stop after eight if I was feeling better) of a different medicine. At least these pills are coated and smaller, which is nice.

But everything this month has just been thrown off-track. I had to call in sick to three shifts at my receptionist job and I have completely stay away from my student job for three weeks now. Furthermore, I have missed more exercise classes and lectures at university than I want to think about and I have done only a minimal amount of reading as my brain refuses to focus on reading something for too long.

As an escape I have been watching a lot of Netflix and YouTube to keep me company in my sick bed. It sounds idyllic and nice to just cuddle up with something you love to watch but it isn't too great when you're feeling crappy and coughing again and again. It gets tiresome after a while and even if I love my bed as much as the next person but I don't feel too good if I have spent literally all day in it.

My two different types of medicine and the trusted thermometer and the view from under my duvet

This brings me to a point that just breaks my heart a bit. My horse hadn't been ridden in three weeks. I have been to see her - sporadically - but I haven't had the energy to actually get up on her and ride. It doesn't really help too much that we still haven't sorted her saddle dilemma, even if I really do enjoy to ride bareback. It's just whenever I have been to see her, she has been absolutely lovely and adorable and I've just missed her so damn much.

This Sunday, I finally found the energy to get back on her back. She was a literal bomb of energy and during our warm-up walk on the paths behind the stables near cow fields, she freaked out a bit when she saw and/or heard something in the bushes. I managed to keep her rather calm but the walk back was still some odd mix of walk and trot. And I could just feel the sheer energy and power of the animal I just decided to sit on.

It went better when we made it into the riding hall, even if that also almost ended in an accident when I first walked through the barrier gate. A horse got a little too close (it is not normally a problem but Money was already wired up) and Money almost smashed me against the barrier door. Thankfully, I know her well enough to predict her movement and I shoved her away with enough authority. She wasn't interested in pinning me against the wall to begin with, so it wasn't hard to redirect her. But I think it scared some of the people in the riding hall. I wasn't even scared though.

But honestly getting to ride her again was such a joy, even if she almost tipped me off a couple of time in the beginning while I was finding my balance. Her movements where so damn powerful and quite elegant and I could just feel her sheer joy in working again as well. We make a rather good team and while I'm sure she enjoy chilling out, I know that she does enjoy working with me. I did have to pause to cough a couple of times but it felt wonderful riding again, even if we didn't ride for too long and kept it to light and mostly to loosen her up. She snorted happily several times as we took breaks and I was undoubtedly grinning like an idiot and praising her through the roof. It was just wonderful to be back in action, even if the weariness obviously consumed my body afterwards.

Money and I after our ride - it's only the second time we ride on the new riding hall floor and it's great

So it does feel like things are looking up a bit. They sort of have to with the exam season approaching with too-rapid steps. I don't feel ready one bit but I suppose I have... okay, less than two weeks until my first one. That is not too good. Next week is the last week of lectures and I hope I can find the energy to attend all of them. I hate missing classes and feeling so damn out of it and behind. It just makes it that much harder to catch up when you look at the enormous workload. But I'll manage. I always do.

I think one of the things that gets me is the fact that I have to get back into things gradually. For some reason that feels difficult to me. Then there's also the odd internal thought pattern that seems to come back to me again and again over these past weeks. Everyone have been so understanding that I have needed to rest and cancel things because I have pneumonia. I know it wouldn't be the same if I had a bad brain day and felt like cancelling everything. I have a sinking feeling that that would not be met with the understanding and well wishes I have gotten from feeling physically poorly. Should it? I'm not sure. Sometimes, you need to be told to drag your arse out of bed and just solider on, but some days it does feel utterly impossible.

The reason I'm even thinking about this is probably due to the fact that the two have merged a bit over the past few weeks. Feeling faint and poorly has been very demotivating. I wanted to be productive from my sickbed to catch up on some university readings and write for my stories but I just haven't felt up to do anything. I'm really hoping for a much more productive and healthy December. I really fucking need the Christmas month to be better. I am so freaking sick of being sick and I am ready to be properly back in action.

But I know I need to do it gradually and give myself time to slowly dip my toes into the busy waters rather than jumping in headfirst. I will drown if I do and I need to remember that. I'm sending out positive vibes and I hope I will have completely shed this pneumonia soon.

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