The Thing About... Making Excuses
I had a plan for a segment where I commented on a topic and yet that plan went down the drain. However, I now find myself drifting back to it again. I want to talk about making excuses or more specifically why I make excuses and why it's a horrible habit to fall into. I seriously need to stop doing it and maybe highlighting all the flaws of the different types of excuses we make and why it's much better to be upfront and honest, will help me change my ways.
I'm someone who can always find an excuse not to do something. Most of them actually sound perfect legitimate and reasonable. Maybe that's what you get when you're someone who is quite adapt at communicating and have sufficient drive to make up something to get your way. In turn that skill could probably be put at much better use doing something productive rather than making up excuses.
I mostly make excuses because I'm afraid of the confrontation that comes when I've screwed up in some way, minor or major. I pull the excuses around my trembling body like a security blanket which will shield me from any potential harm thrown my way. I wrap it around myself so closely, I almost forget where the real reason ends and the excuse begins. No one can know that I'm using excuses to hide the real problem, which probably occurred because I did something less than ideal.
It's so comforting to make up an excuse, which removes the responsibility from you. You can pin it on something else; your alarm clock, the traffic, your workload, your other obligations, your sleep schedule and a buck-load of other things. I'm not saying that some - maybe all - of those things aren't true. Maybe there was an accident on the road that you couldn't have foreseen. Maybe you work so much that you're too drained to do anything social. Maybe you had a prior engagement that you couldn't back out from. But what I'm saying is stop making excuses about it and take responsibility.
Not everything is in your control and you have to roll with the punches that life throws at you. But completely banishing responsibility is not a good road to go down. Trust me on that one. It will make you feel safer in the confrontational moment but later it will be nagging at your conscious and the habit of constantly making excuses will negatively impact you.
If you overslept, like I did this morning, you shouldn't try to blame it on faulty alarm clock or traffic. Take responsibility and apologise instead making excuses. Accept the blame and take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen in the future. If whatever delays or inconveniences you truly isn't something you've predicted, let it still be an apology that is the first thing that leaves your mouth when addressing the people you've let down in some way. Our time is so valuable and other people wasting it is infuriating and if the person doing it is more concern with making themselves appear blameless then it does nothing to quench that frustration.
If you don't want to do something, you'll probably immediately make a list in your head over all the excuses you might be able to use to get out of doing it. This is where making excuses becomes even trickier. If it's something that you find of importance, you will likely not be making excuses not to do it.
Life is not a dance on roses all the time and everybody has to do some things that they don't want to. It can be tempting to make excuses for these things. Oh, it's tempting. However, it's important to remember that you probably have to do said undesirable thing because it's a natural part of something that you do value. Maybe it's going to the dentist for the good of your health. Maybe it's attending a boring meeting as part of your job, which you hopefully like overall. Maybe it's mucking out the stables of your horse, who you love dearly. Maybe it's showing up to an 8 AM class as part of your education.
I've read somewhere in one of my many academic textbooks about communication that studies have showed that people respond better when someone is taking responsibility for when they mess up rather than reassigning blame. When I searched for images, I found the one above and I think it's a rather nice image to show why taking responsibility is a much healthier and probably more successful route.
As someone who can get quite obsessed with this whole thing concept of control, I don't like when I feel like things are slipping through my fingers without being able to do anything about it. I like feeling in control of my life and because of that it's quite curious that that I find so much comfort in excuses. I think it's because my want for control is trumped by my fear of confrontation. Some of my friends actually find it hard to believe that I shy away from confrontation because they've seen how I can eloquently debate and stand up for myself and someone or something that I believe in. I know when to put my comfort aside to achieve a goal but that doesn't mean I have to like the process.
Making up excuses feels safe, not only for when you use them to cover up for smaller mistakes or something that you don't want to do at all, there is also a third aspect of making excuses that's certainly worth mentioning. You make excuses for things you want to do, for the big life aspirations and dreams that seem so intangible. You never actually start working towards them because they seem unattainable or maybe even impossible. However, you'll never really know if it could work out if you don't even try.
Hiding behind the safety of excuses is an easy default mechanism for many of us. However, if you want to do something, you cannot let the temptation of making excuses hinder your progress.
Of course, you can be tired or busy or something else but it's up to you to prioritise what is important in your life. We're all bloody busy, especially in this modern society where no one seems to sit still for more than a brief moment and even then they worry that they're missing out. We obsessively check our social media constantly and probably check our phone at least a couple of times an hour when we're awake unless we're physically glued to something else. So "being busy", which is probably one of the most common excuses, doesn't really cut it. You make time for what is important in your life and you make excuses for the things that are not.
Buy the book - I got so excited when my copy of note to self arrived in the post that I started reading immediately
I'm someone who can always find an excuse not to do something. Most of them actually sound perfect legitimate and reasonable. Maybe that's what you get when you're someone who is quite adapt at communicating and have sufficient drive to make up something to get your way. In turn that skill could probably be put at much better use doing something productive rather than making up excuses.
I mostly make excuses because I'm afraid of the confrontation that comes when I've screwed up in some way, minor or major. I pull the excuses around my trembling body like a security blanket which will shield me from any potential harm thrown my way. I wrap it around myself so closely, I almost forget where the real reason ends and the excuse begins. No one can know that I'm using excuses to hide the real problem, which probably occurred because I did something less than ideal.
It's so comforting to make up an excuse, which removes the responsibility from you. You can pin it on something else; your alarm clock, the traffic, your workload, your other obligations, your sleep schedule and a buck-load of other things. I'm not saying that some - maybe all - of those things aren't true. Maybe there was an accident on the road that you couldn't have foreseen. Maybe you work so much that you're too drained to do anything social. Maybe you had a prior engagement that you couldn't back out from. But what I'm saying is stop making excuses about it and take responsibility.
Found here - Excuses might make you feel better in the moment but not in the long run
Not everything is in your control and you have to roll with the punches that life throws at you. But completely banishing responsibility is not a good road to go down. Trust me on that one. It will make you feel safer in the confrontational moment but later it will be nagging at your conscious and the habit of constantly making excuses will negatively impact you.
If you overslept, like I did this morning, you shouldn't try to blame it on faulty alarm clock or traffic. Take responsibility and apologise instead making excuses. Accept the blame and take steps to ensure that it doesn't happen in the future. If whatever delays or inconveniences you truly isn't something you've predicted, let it still be an apology that is the first thing that leaves your mouth when addressing the people you've let down in some way. Our time is so valuable and other people wasting it is infuriating and if the person doing it is more concern with making themselves appear blameless then it does nothing to quench that frustration.
If you don't want to do something, you'll probably immediately make a list in your head over all the excuses you might be able to use to get out of doing it. This is where making excuses becomes even trickier. If it's something that you find of importance, you will likely not be making excuses not to do it.
Life is not a dance on roses all the time and everybody has to do some things that they don't want to. It can be tempting to make excuses for these things. Oh, it's tempting. However, it's important to remember that you probably have to do said undesirable thing because it's a natural part of something that you do value. Maybe it's going to the dentist for the good of your health. Maybe it's attending a boring meeting as part of your job, which you hopefully like overall. Maybe it's mucking out the stables of your horse, who you love dearly. Maybe it's showing up to an 8 AM class as part of your education.
Found here - I really like how this views control and motivation as interconnected
I've read somewhere in one of my many academic textbooks about communication that studies have showed that people respond better when someone is taking responsibility for when they mess up rather than reassigning blame. When I searched for images, I found the one above and I think it's a rather nice image to show why taking responsibility is a much healthier and probably more successful route.
As someone who can get quite obsessed with this whole thing concept of control, I don't like when I feel like things are slipping through my fingers without being able to do anything about it. I like feeling in control of my life and because of that it's quite curious that that I find so much comfort in excuses. I think it's because my want for control is trumped by my fear of confrontation. Some of my friends actually find it hard to believe that I shy away from confrontation because they've seen how I can eloquently debate and stand up for myself and someone or something that I believe in. I know when to put my comfort aside to achieve a goal but that doesn't mean I have to like the process.
Making up excuses feels safe, not only for when you use them to cover up for smaller mistakes or something that you don't want to do at all, there is also a third aspect of making excuses that's certainly worth mentioning. You make excuses for things you want to do, for the big life aspirations and dreams that seem so intangible. You never actually start working towards them because they seem unattainable or maybe even impossible. However, you'll never really know if it could work out if you don't even try.
Hiding behind the safety of excuses is an easy default mechanism for many of us. However, if you want to do something, you cannot let the temptation of making excuses hinder your progress.
By a Girl who Loves to Write aka Me
I'm currently reading note to self by Connor Franta, which is a collection of personal essays and poems, and I stumbled across the poem displayed above when I was reading it yesterday. It wasn't the inspiration for this post but it did hit a nerve with me and stirred me to actually do something with the draft of the idea sitting in an unpublished post. Connor's voice, both his audible and his written one, is often able to reach out and pull at my heartstrings. I love learning of his perspective of the world and I've come to learn that in some aspects we view the world similarity and I find comfort in that.
I want to stop making excuses not to do something if it's something I have to do to improve or maintain my life style or if it's something that I just genuinely want to do. I'm always saying how I want to be writing and I always feel so damn good when I'm writing. However, after a long day of university, work and riding my horse or just some of those elements, I often feel absolutely worn down. I make excuses not to sit down at my computer and start typing because I'm tired. That's a valid but still horrible excuse.
I need to own up to it when I make a mistake and I have to try to analyse the situation to make sure that it doesn't happen again. I need to have my priorities in order and make sure I have a healthy university - work - free time balance, where I actually have time for both Money, writing, family and friends as well as down time by myself. I need to stop making excuses and then feel accomplished that I fooled everyone - except myself - that the real issue, which hides behind an excuse, doesn't exist.
Comments
Post a Comment