A Quiet Christmas
I didn't know what to title this particular blog post. Christmas at home had been my first impulse but I've had another Christmas post with a similar name before. It figures since I've made it a tradition to write one about the holiday for the past four years. I didn't really know what to put in this year's post, hence why it falls a little late. But I am going to take to the keyboard anyway because documentation is important to me and it's usually a cathartic experience once you get going.
The other posts I've made this December has mostly captured what my days have been like and it carried over into the Christmas days seamlessly. A whole lot of family time, constantly paying attention to our little new family members, moments spent lounging around in front of the television and delicious food. It sounds pretty good, right?
It has been. Don't get me wrong. It's lovely but it's also a bit unsettling. I feel unsettled and like I don't know how to act anymore. The days seem both endlessly long and bleeding into each other. It feels like I have all the time in the world but I know the days tick by, one by one, and sooner rather than later I'll be asked to be a functioning member of society again. Yay. Sarcasm is heavy on that one, if it wasn't apparent. But I don't want to be a downer and focus on the numb feeling and the sense of eerie quietness I feel shrouded in. So I'll talk about the lovely moments instead, as there has been plenty.
The last day of Advent for example. Mum (and Dad) got my brother and I present every Sunday through Christmas despite both of us being past the age of eighteen and me having officially moved out. I was blessed with so many lovely things from Mum and A's England trip early November. From salted caramel hot chocolate powder, to a Rudolph T-shirt, to oven mitts. Mum is a wonderful gift giver, mostly because she takes the time to properly consider what the person might want.
Little Robin, despite her streak of still chasing after us and biting hands and feet, has been another highlight. I think it's always a little special when a new member joins the family, even if it is someone of the canine species. She's been in awe, staring at us wide-eyed, as we've gone about all the Christmas traditions. She has truly never seen anything like it but it has been good to have her, even with the many pee breaks and occasional accidents. Even on the 26th when we had no less than twelve guests over for Christmas dinner, it was good to have her around. She sat in my lap partly through the dinner and we escaped upstairs when things got rowdy. She is a lovely little pup and my heart grows a little more fond of her each passing day as we all get to know her.
I've been enjoying getting back to the stables and seeing more of my horse, at least a bit, even despite the snow and freezing temperatures. It was quite glorious to wake up early on Christmas Eve and seeing sunshine and snow outside of the window. It was just Mum, the dogs and I awake at first. I also went by the stables then and it was beautiful to see the snow dusted across the fields. I can't remember the last time we had snow on Christmas and it was a sight, even if it started to melt away throughout the day.
A thing that without fail stressed out the four of us is the food. Even though we're only four people, we always struggle a little with getting the traditional Christmas dinner ready. This year I was in charge of the browned potatoes and while it seems rather simple to melt sugar and butter and get it to stick to potatoes - that's far from the truth. But this year was a good one and they turned out really well, which I was proud of as in charge of all potatoes. We each had our own little sections and it worked out relatively well. I only think voices got raised on one occasion.
I am a little ashamed of myself that I didn't get a good picture of our Christmas tree this year. I usually manage that but I will note that this year it was up for a very limited time. It was only on display for around 24 hours before it got taken down and ended up outside of our door. It was partly because of our dear puppy and partly because of the many guests that we would have to house soon, which would take up most of our living room. It was a beautiful one nonetheless and I'm glad Mum insisted that we put it up, even for a short while. Unfortunately a fancy bauble that Mum bought in Bath ended up in shatters on the floor when Robin decided to jump into the tree just as we raised our glasses to start dinner. It sucks but it happens.
The rest of the Christmas days and those weird days that falls between Christmas and New Years, I've mostly just been lying on my ass. With the exception of the Christmas dinner for Dad's side of family it's been a very chill time. I've been in my pyjamas constantly, and spent a lot of time lying on the mattress on the floor with the dogs. It's a nice little piece of serenity, even if it fucks me up a little with sense of time. Time doesn't feel real in these days and you have no clue what day of the week it is most of the time. I did have to go into work on Friday afternoon but even there it was empty and quiet.
So I've been lounging, binging on shows and films, playing with the dogs, playing games on my computer, chatting with my family members and forgotten about the world outside for a while. Even when I've had to put on pants and act adult, it's only been in small sequences. I rather feel like I've forgotten how to act outside of this December lull of exams and Christmas.
But New Years Eve is tomorrow and I have plans to meet up with three of my friends and celebrate in one of their flats. It'll be nice. I know it will but I feel myself hesitating to break the calm bubble regardless. That's silly, isn't it? I do feel that itch under my skin that I'm getting complacent so it is a matter of time before I have to be productive to avoid slipping into the early signs of madness. Look at me being all dramatic in my writing. I think I needed this a little more than I realised.
This blog has always been a good space to sort thought the things in my brain and a pressing topic at hand. I think I can safely say that this Christmas is documented and it has captured where my head it at. It's always a little weird to just let the words pour out in a space that's technically public, even if it doesn't feel that way.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it even make a sound? I would argue that it doesn't matter if it made a sound or not. The tree went from standing tall to lying on its side and I think that is a much more interesting thing to focus on rather than the noice of the action. Something huge and tall fell over. The tree's life changed whether anyone heard it or not.
Am I really making that long rant into a "quote"? You bet your ass I am. It's Christmas and I can do what I want. The quality and sanity of this post is declining as a type, so I think it's better if I stop while I can. I'm excited and terrified to meet 2019 and all the changes it will bring to my life. But what can I do but try to influence those changes as positively as I can? And frankly, doing so requires that I get off my ass I better start.
The other posts I've made this December has mostly captured what my days have been like and it carried over into the Christmas days seamlessly. A whole lot of family time, constantly paying attention to our little new family members, moments spent lounging around in front of the television and delicious food. It sounds pretty good, right?
It has been. Don't get me wrong. It's lovely but it's also a bit unsettling. I feel unsettled and like I don't know how to act anymore. The days seem both endlessly long and bleeding into each other. It feels like I have all the time in the world but I know the days tick by, one by one, and sooner rather than later I'll be asked to be a functioning member of society again. Yay. Sarcasm is heavy on that one, if it wasn't apparent. But I don't want to be a downer and focus on the numb feeling and the sense of eerie quietness I feel shrouded in. So I'll talk about the lovely moments instead, as there has been plenty.
The last day of Advent for example. Mum (and Dad) got my brother and I present every Sunday through Christmas despite both of us being past the age of eighteen and me having officially moved out. I was blessed with so many lovely things from Mum and A's England trip early November. From salted caramel hot chocolate powder, to a Rudolph T-shirt, to oven mitts. Mum is a wonderful gift giver, mostly because she takes the time to properly consider what the person might want.
Little Robin, despite her streak of still chasing after us and biting hands and feet, has been another highlight. I think it's always a little special when a new member joins the family, even if it is someone of the canine species. She's been in awe, staring at us wide-eyed, as we've gone about all the Christmas traditions. She has truly never seen anything like it but it has been good to have her, even with the many pee breaks and occasional accidents. Even on the 26th when we had no less than twelve guests over for Christmas dinner, it was good to have her around. She sat in my lap partly through the dinner and we escaped upstairs when things got rowdy. She is a lovely little pup and my heart grows a little more fond of her each passing day as we all get to know her.
I've been enjoying getting back to the stables and seeing more of my horse, at least a bit, even despite the snow and freezing temperatures. It was quite glorious to wake up early on Christmas Eve and seeing sunshine and snow outside of the window. It was just Mum, the dogs and I awake at first. I also went by the stables then and it was beautiful to see the snow dusted across the fields. I can't remember the last time we had snow on Christmas and it was a sight, even if it started to melt away throughout the day.
A thing that without fail stressed out the four of us is the food. Even though we're only four people, we always struggle a little with getting the traditional Christmas dinner ready. This year I was in charge of the browned potatoes and while it seems rather simple to melt sugar and butter and get it to stick to potatoes - that's far from the truth. But this year was a good one and they turned out really well, which I was proud of as in charge of all potatoes. We each had our own little sections and it worked out relatively well. I only think voices got raised on one occasion.
I am a little ashamed of myself that I didn't get a good picture of our Christmas tree this year. I usually manage that but I will note that this year it was up for a very limited time. It was only on display for around 24 hours before it got taken down and ended up outside of our door. It was partly because of our dear puppy and partly because of the many guests that we would have to house soon, which would take up most of our living room. It was a beautiful one nonetheless and I'm glad Mum insisted that we put it up, even for a short while. Unfortunately a fancy bauble that Mum bought in Bath ended up in shatters on the floor when Robin decided to jump into the tree just as we raised our glasses to start dinner. It sucks but it happens.
So I've been lounging, binging on shows and films, playing with the dogs, playing games on my computer, chatting with my family members and forgotten about the world outside for a while. Even when I've had to put on pants and act adult, it's only been in small sequences. I rather feel like I've forgotten how to act outside of this December lull of exams and Christmas.
But New Years Eve is tomorrow and I have plans to meet up with three of my friends and celebrate in one of their flats. It'll be nice. I know it will but I feel myself hesitating to break the calm bubble regardless. That's silly, isn't it? I do feel that itch under my skin that I'm getting complacent so it is a matter of time before I have to be productive to avoid slipping into the early signs of madness. Look at me being all dramatic in my writing. I think I needed this a little more than I realised.
This blog has always been a good space to sort thought the things in my brain and a pressing topic at hand. I think I can safely say that this Christmas is documented and it has captured where my head it at. It's always a little weird to just let the words pour out in a space that's technically public, even if it doesn't feel that way.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it even make a sound? I would argue that it doesn't matter if it made a sound or not. The tree went from standing tall to lying on its side and I think that is a much more interesting thing to focus on rather than the noice of the action. Something huge and tall fell over. The tree's life changed whether anyone heard it or not.
By a Girl who Loves to Write aka Me
Am I really making that long rant into a "quote"? You bet your ass I am. It's Christmas and I can do what I want. The quality and sanity of this post is declining as a type, so I think it's better if I stop while I can. I'm excited and terrified to meet 2019 and all the changes it will bring to my life. But what can I do but try to influence those changes as positively as I can? And frankly, doing so requires that I get off my ass I better start.
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