Semester 5 Exams & How I Didn't Study
Okay, I know the title sounds bad but I promise I did study... at least a bit. The very minimum, I'd say. I need to write this post to get all my current thoughts on this topic out of my head and on paper. Even if this isn't really paper, you know what I mean.
I've always been a fairly good student. I like that, I like feeling like I'm smart and I love getting good grades. However, I'm one of those annoying people that can choose not to study and still do okay. If it is subject that I naturally is very good at, I can still do very well without studying, possible even getting the highest mark. If it is subject I'm not very good at, I'll probably still manage to pass. This is, of course, based on the fact I actually pay attention during the lectures.
I don't mind learning but sometimes, I mind studying. To me, these are two completely different things. The first is acquiring knowledge about something you didn't know before and it can come in many forms, whether that be personal experience, someone telling you something or you reading it somewhere. Studying is burring your head in heavy academic text books that might spend three pages saying something that could fit into one paragraph. The further I get into my studies, the more I'm beginning to dislike academic texts. There has been a few exceptions where the book has actually been informative and interesting but it seems they are becoming increasingly more boring as I progress with my education. Just the attitude someone needs before they embark on their bachelor thesis. *sarcasm*
I feel a bit like my smiley looks after I left my room and it didn't get water for three weeks.
I went on summer holiday in the middle of June, having just finished my 2nd year of my bachelor. Then for the next three months I did not open a single text book or do anything remotely academic. I joked that I might have forgotten how to study and the sad reality is, I actually felt like I did. Maybe, it's one of those things that if you say it out loud you start to believe it. I'm not sure but I don't like it.
I only read the texts for my very first week of lectures. My head space had definitely been preoccupied with moving to another country, entirely on my own and not knowing anyone here. I used most of my energy trying to make friends, which I don't do easily, but luckily people didn't know that and I just faked it until I made it. In the end, I've managed to find a very nice group of fellow exchange students that I'd call friends.
However, studies took a backseat in my mind. I still went to the lectures but I didn't read any of the required readings. To this day, the day I've finished my final exam of the semester, I still haven't. You don't need to tell me how stupid that is. I know. I knew then and it stressed me out. You know that feeling of having so much to do that you just take a nap? That's how I've felt this entire semester about my academic work.
Even my assignments, which here in Bath actually count towards your final grade unlike back home, I only did last minute. In all cases, I started a maximum of two days before. The two tests I did, I only studied for the very night before. For my two presentations, I only did the work a couple of days in advance as well. I did alright on all three assignments for the different courses 55%-63%, which is between satisfactory and good. I did very well in my presentations (I always feel so much more comfortable writing but somehow I am a very good public speaker) getting 76% and 73%, which is in the highest mark range. I did, however, fail one of my tests (though only 1 percentage from passing) and did almost good on the second one.
The results of my five exams will only be released in a month, even if I did two of them in December. Three have been answering essay-based questions, one has been almost like "problemregning" from gymnasium and the final one was an electronic assignment of 3,000 words. Four of them have been handwritten as well which I haven't done since I enrolled in university. It felt very old-fashioned and a bit frustrating that you couldn't go back and edit it properly. But magically, my ability to write by hand and the look of my hand writing improved with each exam. I'd like to think I did okay on all of them. Nothing brilliant, which you can't really expect when you refuse to study until the night before, but I hope (*crosses fingers*) that I passed all of them.
At this point with my complete lack of motivation, that would actually be a victory. I had a freak out (maybe panic attack?) when I talked to my mum about my 3,000 words assignment, which was due in less than five days time at that point. I went so far as to question if I even wanted to study anymore. It was said in the heat of the moment and I'm not sure if I meant it. But on the other hand, at that point I did definitely feel like that was the truth.
I have bought myself this bracelet that was supposed to keep me calm and get rid of anxiety. I'm not sure it's working. I still love it but I did wish it had magic powers.
I'm so tired of those annoying damn academic references, I just want to write, tell my story. Give me a topic and I can probably rant about it for hours. But having to back up my opinions with references? Urgh. If I see something logical and observe it, why do I need to check if some old theorists have written something about it 10+ years ago? I'm not quite sure when I developed this but it's actually scaring me. Maybe, it's because I love how I can just write freely on here, expressing my opinions as I please, or on Wattpad where I can create an entire storyline just based of off my imagination?
I've been in serious procrastinator mode for quite a while and would do anything not to study. Tidy my room, check. Fill out Erasmus survey and do a language test, check. Write for my YouTuber?! story, check. Take on a new writing project, check. Organise countless of playlists on YouTube based on content, check. Organise the overview of horses at Welsh Studs, check. All of the aforementioned was something that required effort from me but I gladly did it because it was something I wanted to do.
Oh and I would often also have a bath or paint my nails, just to distract myself from my responsibilities and feel like I had my life together.
Writing free form or organising a lot of content into systems is something I really like. Both take effort but I feel so satisfied when I've done it. Writing fictional stories is so liberating and I often come to love my characters and their development so much. As for the organisation systems, I'll sometimes check up on them and just smile at how wonderfully organised it all is. Weird, I know. If I could somehow make both of those part of what I do in the future, I think I'd really like that.
And despite my outburst/freak-out/panic attack during the start of the year, I don't actually want to stop going to university. I like learning stuff, like I said at the very beginning. I have learnt a lot over this semester through the lectures and all of my courses have been very interesting. Despite not giving my best efforts, I did learn a lot that will stay with me. I have no problem paying complete attention while I was at uni. It was the studying at home that got me.
Ideally, I think I would like to take a break from school for a while though. Not permanently, but partly. Maybe being in school fifteen and a half year straight is more than you could expect from anyone. It's tough but I like the security of it. I've been doing it for so long and I can't really imagine not doing it. What would I even spend my time on? I don't know.
I've always been a fairly good student. I like that, I like feeling like I'm smart and I love getting good grades. However, I'm one of those annoying people that can choose not to study and still do okay. If it is subject that I naturally is very good at, I can still do very well without studying, possible even getting the highest mark. If it is subject I'm not very good at, I'll probably still manage to pass. This is, of course, based on the fact I actually pay attention during the lectures.
I don't mind learning but sometimes, I mind studying. To me, these are two completely different things. The first is acquiring knowledge about something you didn't know before and it can come in many forms, whether that be personal experience, someone telling you something or you reading it somewhere. Studying is burring your head in heavy academic text books that might spend three pages saying something that could fit into one paragraph. The further I get into my studies, the more I'm beginning to dislike academic texts. There has been a few exceptions where the book has actually been informative and interesting but it seems they are becoming increasingly more boring as I progress with my education. Just the attitude someone needs before they embark on their bachelor thesis. *sarcasm*
I feel a bit like my smiley looks after I left my room and it didn't get water for three weeks.
I went on summer holiday in the middle of June, having just finished my 2nd year of my bachelor. Then for the next three months I did not open a single text book or do anything remotely academic. I joked that I might have forgotten how to study and the sad reality is, I actually felt like I did. Maybe, it's one of those things that if you say it out loud you start to believe it. I'm not sure but I don't like it.
I only read the texts for my very first week of lectures. My head space had definitely been preoccupied with moving to another country, entirely on my own and not knowing anyone here. I used most of my energy trying to make friends, which I don't do easily, but luckily people didn't know that and I just faked it until I made it. In the end, I've managed to find a very nice group of fellow exchange students that I'd call friends.
However, studies took a backseat in my mind. I still went to the lectures but I didn't read any of the required readings. To this day, the day I've finished my final exam of the semester, I still haven't. You don't need to tell me how stupid that is. I know. I knew then and it stressed me out. You know that feeling of having so much to do that you just take a nap? That's how I've felt this entire semester about my academic work.
Even my assignments, which here in Bath actually count towards your final grade unlike back home, I only did last minute. In all cases, I started a maximum of two days before. The two tests I did, I only studied for the very night before. For my two presentations, I only did the work a couple of days in advance as well. I did alright on all three assignments for the different courses 55%-63%, which is between satisfactory and good. I did very well in my presentations (I always feel so much more comfortable writing but somehow I am a very good public speaker) getting 76% and 73%, which is in the highest mark range. I did, however, fail one of my tests (though only 1 percentage from passing) and did almost good on the second one.
The results of my five exams will only be released in a month, even if I did two of them in December. Three have been answering essay-based questions, one has been almost like "problemregning" from gymnasium and the final one was an electronic assignment of 3,000 words. Four of them have been handwritten as well which I haven't done since I enrolled in university. It felt very old-fashioned and a bit frustrating that you couldn't go back and edit it properly. But magically, my ability to write by hand and the look of my hand writing improved with each exam. I'd like to think I did okay on all of them. Nothing brilliant, which you can't really expect when you refuse to study until the night before, but I hope (*crosses fingers*) that I passed all of them.
At this point with my complete lack of motivation, that would actually be a victory. I had a freak out (maybe panic attack?) when I talked to my mum about my 3,000 words assignment, which was due in less than five days time at that point. I went so far as to question if I even wanted to study anymore. It was said in the heat of the moment and I'm not sure if I meant it. But on the other hand, at that point I did definitely feel like that was the truth.
I have bought myself this bracelet that was supposed to keep me calm and get rid of anxiety. I'm not sure it's working. I still love it but I did wish it had magic powers.
I'm so tired of those annoying damn academic references, I just want to write, tell my story. Give me a topic and I can probably rant about it for hours. But having to back up my opinions with references? Urgh. If I see something logical and observe it, why do I need to check if some old theorists have written something about it 10+ years ago? I'm not quite sure when I developed this but it's actually scaring me. Maybe, it's because I love how I can just write freely on here, expressing my opinions as I please, or on Wattpad where I can create an entire storyline just based of off my imagination?
I've been in serious procrastinator mode for quite a while and would do anything not to study. Tidy my room, check. Fill out Erasmus survey and do a language test, check. Write for my YouTuber?! story, check. Take on a new writing project, check. Organise countless of playlists on YouTube based on content, check. Organise the overview of horses at Welsh Studs, check. All of the aforementioned was something that required effort from me but I gladly did it because it was something I wanted to do.
Oh and I would often also have a bath or paint my nails, just to distract myself from my responsibilities and feel like I had my life together.
Writing free form or organising a lot of content into systems is something I really like. Both take effort but I feel so satisfied when I've done it. Writing fictional stories is so liberating and I often come to love my characters and their development so much. As for the organisation systems, I'll sometimes check up on them and just smile at how wonderfully organised it all is. Weird, I know. If I could somehow make both of those part of what I do in the future, I think I'd really like that.
And despite my outburst/freak-out/panic attack during the start of the year, I don't actually want to stop going to university. I like learning stuff, like I said at the very beginning. I have learnt a lot over this semester through the lectures and all of my courses have been very interesting. Despite not giving my best efforts, I did learn a lot that will stay with me. I have no problem paying complete attention while I was at uni. It was the studying at home that got me.
Ideally, I think I would like to take a break from school for a while though. Not permanently, but partly. Maybe being in school fifteen and a half year straight is more than you could expect from anyone. It's tough but I like the security of it. I've been doing it for so long and I can't really imagine not doing it. What would I even spend my time on? I don't know.
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