Inconveniencing Others Makes Me So Anxious | Emotional Rant
I absolutely despise being an inconvenience for others. When I find myself in a situation where I know that I'm delivering inconvenient news or causing inconvenience, my breath is caught in my throat and my whole body tenses. I absolutely hate it.
I'm well aware people don't generally take pleasure in being an inconvenience for others, whether the problem is self-inflicted or you're just the bearer of the bad news. However, I'm willing to bet that most people don't feel like clawing at their own skin when they're in a confrontation where they are causing trouble for someone else.
Today, two instances happened where I needed to deal with being an inconvenience, which might be why I'm still feeling a slight buzz in my body. If I get too caught up in the anxious feeling several times during the day, it always stays with me longer.
The first thing was when I decided to let out my horse Money and the horse she shares her field with early. The gelding's owner had explicitly asked me to take him with if I let my own out to enjoy a little extra time frolicking around the field. I wrote down in the little stable book that I had fed them and let them out myself, as it was usually the job of whomever had the lunch feeding shift.
I headed home and didn't think more about it until I got a call from the owner of the farm. Cowardly and introverted as I am, I couldn't bring myself to pick it up. I instantly worried that something might have happened to my horse but I hate talking to people on the phone. I hoped they'd leave a voice mail or send me a text or try again to indicate the seriousness. He left a message telling me he didn't know whether the gelding had gotten any food and he was currently out in the forest with his part time rider.
I bit the bullet and dialled his number, but he didn't pick up. I sent out a silent thank you and typed up a message apologising and telling him that the gelding had been fed beforehand and I hadn't texted all the residents of the stables because I was unsure of whom had the feeding shift and didn't want to text someone who didn't have it. He texted back a couple of minutes later saying okay, and that I hadn't mentioned the gelding but only my own horse in the book, but ended it with a smiley. However, I'm 99% sure I did mention both horses, but that's beside the point.
The second thing was a work, which I've just come home from. The entire shift had passed rather uneventfully as did when I went around closing and securing doors before turning on the alarm. There came my problem. A door on forth floor was still listed as open. I knew I had closed the door around ten minutes earlier but I went up and checked again.
It was open, which I couldn't quite understand but I closed it and went back to set the alarms. I was just about to leave when the alarms blared through the entire building. Then an older man peeks down from 4th floor and asks why I'm closing the door. I tell him that I have to and I ask him to close the door but he doesn't. Cue me rushing up four flight of stairs to close the door and then back down to the ground floor to deactivate the alarm.
I quickly called the supervisor of the building to let him know it was a false alarm. I was so hopped up on adrenaline and being distracted by the "door opener", who had come to talk to me, that I was hardly aware of what I told him. To be kind, I made my way back up to open the door for them and then deactivate it but something went wrong and the alarm sounded again.
So I rushed back up and down a couple of more times. Fun! And I sent another text to the supervisor about the alarm sounding again but it still being an accident and not actually someone breaking in. I felt so bad and then my phone died and, with a recently damaged cable for my portable charger, there was nothing I could do. I went home and sent an apologetic text and wished him a nice evening. He replied that he hoped I would have a nice one too.
So how are these stories connected? Well, the first one I did an action, which accidentally caused worry and delay for the farm owner, though I thought I had covered my bases by writing it in the book. The second one, I had to reach out to a colleague after hours to make him contact the emergency call centre and tell them not to dispatch cops, which triggers an extremely heavy fine. During both of them, I didn't do anything wrong on purpose but I was still part of the inconvenience.
It doesn't help that both people were grown men, one who houses my horse and one from my place of employment. I feel like I need to be responsible and capable when dealing with them. I'm sure they didn't actually mind too much, based on their responses, and I'm probably more bothered by it than they were. I mean, it was a tad annoying for them but that was about it. I can deal much better if it's just something inconveniencing me but when it's also affecting other people, I freak out.
Why am I like this? It's so bloody inconvenient for myself!
I'm well aware people don't generally take pleasure in being an inconvenience for others, whether the problem is self-inflicted or you're just the bearer of the bad news. However, I'm willing to bet that most people don't feel like clawing at their own skin when they're in a confrontation where they are causing trouble for someone else.
Today, two instances happened where I needed to deal with being an inconvenience, which might be why I'm still feeling a slight buzz in my body. If I get too caught up in the anxious feeling several times during the day, it always stays with me longer.
Found here - this is so much me that it's not even funny
The first thing was when I decided to let out my horse Money and the horse she shares her field with early. The gelding's owner had explicitly asked me to take him with if I let my own out to enjoy a little extra time frolicking around the field. I wrote down in the little stable book that I had fed them and let them out myself, as it was usually the job of whomever had the lunch feeding shift.
I headed home and didn't think more about it until I got a call from the owner of the farm. Cowardly and introverted as I am, I couldn't bring myself to pick it up. I instantly worried that something might have happened to my horse but I hate talking to people on the phone. I hoped they'd leave a voice mail or send me a text or try again to indicate the seriousness. He left a message telling me he didn't know whether the gelding had gotten any food and he was currently out in the forest with his part time rider.
I bit the bullet and dialled his number, but he didn't pick up. I sent out a silent thank you and typed up a message apologising and telling him that the gelding had been fed beforehand and I hadn't texted all the residents of the stables because I was unsure of whom had the feeding shift and didn't want to text someone who didn't have it. He texted back a couple of minutes later saying okay, and that I hadn't mentioned the gelding but only my own horse in the book, but ended it with a smiley. However, I'm 99% sure I did mention both horses, but that's beside the point.
Found here - why does my brain insist on doing this to itself?
The second thing was a work, which I've just come home from. The entire shift had passed rather uneventfully as did when I went around closing and securing doors before turning on the alarm. There came my problem. A door on forth floor was still listed as open. I knew I had closed the door around ten minutes earlier but I went up and checked again.
It was open, which I couldn't quite understand but I closed it and went back to set the alarms. I was just about to leave when the alarms blared through the entire building. Then an older man peeks down from 4th floor and asks why I'm closing the door. I tell him that I have to and I ask him to close the door but he doesn't. Cue me rushing up four flight of stairs to close the door and then back down to the ground floor to deactivate the alarm.
I quickly called the supervisor of the building to let him know it was a false alarm. I was so hopped up on adrenaline and being distracted by the "door opener", who had come to talk to me, that I was hardly aware of what I told him. To be kind, I made my way back up to open the door for them and then deactivate it but something went wrong and the alarm sounded again.
So I rushed back up and down a couple of more times. Fun! And I sent another text to the supervisor about the alarm sounding again but it still being an accident and not actually someone breaking in. I felt so bad and then my phone died and, with a recently damaged cable for my portable charger, there was nothing I could do. I went home and sent an apologetic text and wished him a nice evening. He replied that he hoped I would have a nice one too.
Found here - I could legitimately be in danger and still not want to pick up the phone
So how are these stories connected? Well, the first one I did an action, which accidentally caused worry and delay for the farm owner, though I thought I had covered my bases by writing it in the book. The second one, I had to reach out to a colleague after hours to make him contact the emergency call centre and tell them not to dispatch cops, which triggers an extremely heavy fine. During both of them, I didn't do anything wrong on purpose but I was still part of the inconvenience.
It doesn't help that both people were grown men, one who houses my horse and one from my place of employment. I feel like I need to be responsible and capable when dealing with them. I'm sure they didn't actually mind too much, based on their responses, and I'm probably more bothered by it than they were. I mean, it was a tad annoying for them but that was about it. I can deal much better if it's just something inconveniencing me but when it's also affecting other people, I freak out.
Why am I like this? It's so bloody inconvenient for myself!
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