Eight Very Turbulent Months

I think everyone gets to points in their life where everything seems to be moving fast and changes come in from left and right. These past eight months exactly, from 19th of September where I moved to England for my exchange to 19th of May where I handed in my BA Project, have been a turbulent time in my life. 

I'm sure I'm in for more of those, as I still continue to grow and face challenges but up until that point in my life, I had always had everything very stable and dependable. I roughly always knew in what direction my life was headed in, at least in the foreseeable future, but that began to change. 

I don't regret going to live in Bath for those four months, I truly don't. I got to meet so many lovely people and learn so much, both from the acclaimed university and the culture I was living in as well as the culture of the many internationals I befriended. It was overwhelming, exciting, terrifying and amazing all rolled into one. 

But it also left me with almost no safety net, which was okay with to a degree as I figured out that I could indeed live on my own without too many hiccups and that I could befriend strangers, which was something that had initially terrified me. I learnt a whole lot just in that short span of time. 

But choosing to leave everything familiar behind put a strain on me too, one I didn't properly notice before I was back for good. It was difficult for me to jump back into the everyday life I had left. And I was starting a big project and a new job teaching, even if it was only a few exercise based classes a week. Those two new factors as well as having to quickly readjust to a life I hadn't properly been in for months, knocked me completely off balance. 

I have faith in myself. It's something that's been instilled in me from a very young age by my parents. They made sure I would be able to take care of myself but still stood ready behind me if I were to fall. I've always been observant and good at knowing where I was mentally with myself. However, I had always been somewhat in balance and all that ever threatened me was small gusts of winds where I could simply counterbalance and be alright. 

This time, too much was happening at the same time. Too many gusts of winds came from all sides and they were stronger than I had ever encountered. I was never knocked fully off balance, and I'm thankful for that. I have a gut feeling it would be extremely difficult to get back on your feet again. But I was wobbling back and forth for quite a while, never finding peace and balance. 

It's become better now, when I have short-term plans in place and have gotten rid of the heavy work load. It's been a time of learning about myself and what I am capable of. I'm nowhere near done growing but these months have been educational for sure. I guess it makes sense that I had to be thrown off balance to figure out what really kept me in balance.

The psychologist I've been seeing since March tells me that I've got a keen eye and great self-insight. She tells me that I'm handling things fairly well and just the fact I'm aware of what things put pressure on me in the way that I am, is giant step in the right direction. That's possibly why I felt even more affected since I wasn't able to stay in balance when something happened like I had many times before. 

The fact that both her and my doctor saw strong tendencies in me that indicated I was on the verge of developing real stress still terrifies me to my core. It's scares me so much after seeing how it hit my mother. On the other hand, she also showed me that you can get through it and come out even stronger on the other end. However, I'd love to avoid going through that. 

I feel like my learning experience is far from over. In reality, it will probably never be over as you have the opportunity to learn something every day you're alive. Once I finish the oral defence of my BA Project on the 7th of June, I'll have almost eight months before I start the courses I pushed back from this semester. I need to find something to do in that time because all I'll have is my average six hours of work sitting in a reception as well as my horse and my social life. I'm taking the summer to breathe though and have a holiday.