Feels Like Spring - Relaxing Ascension Day
Today is the first day it really, truly felt like spring. We shouldn't be surprised it took this long. It's been an odd long but not very cold winter and that usually ensures for an odd and delayed spring as well. The snow drops showed up months ago just to be suffocated again when frost suddenly returned. As late as a week ago, it was snowing.
However, I now believe we approach warmer and easier times where everything doesn't have to be as hard. I've known about the term "winter depression" for a long time and that the weather outside the window can affect how you feel on the inside. It's odd but I guess we, the human race, are extremely sensitive to our surroundings - some more than others.
I've had a tough time lately. It's been difficult to admit and I haven't felt sure how to feel about it. I've felt thrown off balance and for someone who has always been very in touch with how I feel and able to know and analyse anything that has affected me, it's been difficult. I guess, deep down, I still knew what was wrong but unlike so many other times, it's been hard for me to admit it. I didn't want to feel overpowered in my extremely privileged life and struggling when I knew so many others were dealing with much more severe problems. I felt like I was a spoiled child calling attention to a cut on my finger while someone had broken their arm.
I am still learning about myself and what I can take on before it becomes too much. And just as spring has finally sprung and the days have become longer and brighter, I feel like I have regained control after finally have managed take a lot of things off my plate. I am still growing up and learning and I need to remember not knowning what I want to be when I'm older isn't weird, though it feels it for someone who've had a next step ready.
I've been working hard on my BA project lately. I've really tried and I have been able to focus on it just like I wanted. I am still unsure why I still carry this internal resent towards academia at the moment, but hopefully half a year off from studies will solve it. While I have been working hard, I also know that I can't do without days off. Which was why I decided to take a whole day off on this year's Ascension Day, a national holiday, which this year fell on 5th of May, Denmark's Liberation Day.
I've had both my phone and laptop on Do Not Disturb all day until I pulled them off it this evening, caved and scrolled through social media and the messages from my friends. I started the day by waking up from a very weird dream about my horse. I got up and straight away began tidying up my room. My Dad cleans the house about every fourth-night and today was scheduled for a massive clean up. It felt nice to get my room sorted a bit though I will refrain from looking in my drawers as they are now all overstuffed.
While I tidied, I had Common Culture Vol. IV and Blue Neighbourhood playing in the background (and I also do now as I sit writing this post at my newly cleaned desk and enjoying a light breeze from my open window). Having a bit of a natural high, I decided to cook breakfast for the whole family. It's wasn't something extravagant, just poached eggs on diced avocado on rye bread but I think they all liked it. However, one of the downsides from staying away from my phone a lot meant no photos but let me assure you they looked very nice.
Afterwards, Mum, our dog and I headed out to my horse. I was slightly worried she might be limp on one leg but thankfully, none of her legs were warm or swollen. We decided for a nice short walk in the forest and though I left my phone in the stables, I borrowed Mum's and snapped this photo as well as the one further above in this post. Some may think that Denmark is a cold, wet European country but it does hold so much beauty, in all its seasons, spring especially according to my mother.
My horse did feel a little bit off in the forrest though, too tight and unresponsive to my commands. We took a brief dressage training back home mostly for obedience reasons and to ensure whatever tightness she felt wasn't permanent. After just ten minutes, she was walking amazingly and she seemed to work through whatever bothered her. We had decided to finally remove her cloth and she was absolutely thrilled to have her bum naked to absorb the sun's rays.
We returned home and the three of us continued to seek to be outside so we simply moved through the house out into the garden. Mum and I with a book each and our dog simply because she follows her pack leader (Mum) and because we were out in her territory (the garden), which she loves. I had learnt Mum my book I Am Pilgrim, which I just finished a couple of weeks ago and felt like would be something she'd like because it's stocked with historical facts and exciting locations. I myself was picking up a new book The Horse Dancer which I am only a fifth into but it is very interesting so far and though horses aren't the main focus, I do love their role as supporting characters.
I actually got out my shorts for the first time this year and just lay out in that and my sports bar. It was so nice being able to just feel the sun on my skin. I've missed it though I probably should remember to put SPF on next time, so I don't damage my skin.
I didn't keep time, another way to completely detach from stress, but after a while I retreated inside and watched some recorded TV. I re-watched The Heat and then two new episodes of the old TV series Numb3rs, which I am currently catching up on. While I watched TV, I munched down on some cookies I baked late last night, following Tanya Burr's recipe here, though I make it only with milk chocolate. It's been my favourite for quite a while and just yesterday I managed to snap up a signed copy of her new cook book, I can't wait to make more delicious baked goods.
My Mum had fallen asleep down outside, cuddled up under her duvet on the sun lounger. She came back inside and we caught up on the newest episode of NCIS together. It's amazing that that show has been running for thirteen seasons! I'm slightly scared that it's turn really bad soon though and they'll "overmilk" their golden goose and produce more just because.
Because my brother went off to one of his friends' houses, we didn't do much for dinner as Mum wasn't hungry as well. I made myself some guacamole and ate that with Nachos chips. I didn't want to fight for the family dinner today, as I usually do, since we had breakfast together thanks to my efforts. I just want us to sit down as least once a day all together. Before we know it, I'll be out of the house and everything will change. We need to treasure the little moments as a family together.
Now, I've retreated upstairs to write this post. I've missed writing on here terribly, which is evident from my extremely long intro, and I want to write much more. It's just that I feel slightly guilty sitting down at my laptop writing this instead of my BA project. Hand in date is the 19th of May and after that I won't feel so guilty I think. However, I'm seeing Troye Sivan in concert two days prior to that and I don't think I could not blog about that. I have also been neglecting my stories on Wattpad lately and I feel bad about it. Hopefully, I can get back to those soon as well.
The rest of my evening, I think, will be about pampering and watching YouTube videos. I just need to go down and get my sheets from the dryer and make my bed first. I'm often so lazy about changing them, because they get covered in dog hairs after one day. But I do like the feel of crisp sheets and with a tidy and clean room, it felt nice to do everything in one go.
I love this. I've missed it. I have so many things running around in my mind all the time and I need to just set time aside for this. It's therapeutic. Just like I allowed myself a day completely detached, I need to find smaller spaces in my busy days for this. Tomorrow, I hope to get lots of work done in the morning so I'll be able to go hang out with friends later. I feel recharged and ready to give it a final push for my BA project in the morning.
However, I now believe we approach warmer and easier times where everything doesn't have to be as hard. I've known about the term "winter depression" for a long time and that the weather outside the window can affect how you feel on the inside. It's odd but I guess we, the human race, are extremely sensitive to our surroundings - some more than others.
I've had a tough time lately. It's been difficult to admit and I haven't felt sure how to feel about it. I've felt thrown off balance and for someone who has always been very in touch with how I feel and able to know and analyse anything that has affected me, it's been difficult. I guess, deep down, I still knew what was wrong but unlike so many other times, it's been hard for me to admit it. I didn't want to feel overpowered in my extremely privileged life and struggling when I knew so many others were dealing with much more severe problems. I felt like I was a spoiled child calling attention to a cut on my finger while someone had broken their arm.
I am still learning about myself and what I can take on before it becomes too much. And just as spring has finally sprung and the days have become longer and brighter, I feel like I have regained control after finally have managed take a lot of things off my plate. I am still growing up and learning and I need to remember not knowning what I want to be when I'm older isn't weird, though it feels it for someone who've had a next step ready.
I've been working hard on my BA project lately. I've really tried and I have been able to focus on it just like I wanted. I am still unsure why I still carry this internal resent towards academia at the moment, but hopefully half a year off from studies will solve it. While I have been working hard, I also know that I can't do without days off. Which was why I decided to take a whole day off on this year's Ascension Day, a national holiday, which this year fell on 5th of May, Denmark's Liberation Day.
I've had both my phone and laptop on Do Not Disturb all day until I pulled them off it this evening, caved and scrolled through social media and the messages from my friends. I started the day by waking up from a very weird dream about my horse. I got up and straight away began tidying up my room. My Dad cleans the house about every fourth-night and today was scheduled for a massive clean up. It felt nice to get my room sorted a bit though I will refrain from looking in my drawers as they are now all overstuffed.
While I tidied, I had Common Culture Vol. IV and Blue Neighbourhood playing in the background (and I also do now as I sit writing this post at my newly cleaned desk and enjoying a light breeze from my open window). Having a bit of a natural high, I decided to cook breakfast for the whole family. It's wasn't something extravagant, just poached eggs on diced avocado on rye bread but I think they all liked it. However, one of the downsides from staying away from my phone a lot meant no photos but let me assure you they looked very nice.
Afterwards, Mum, our dog and I headed out to my horse. I was slightly worried she might be limp on one leg but thankfully, none of her legs were warm or swollen. We decided for a nice short walk in the forest and though I left my phone in the stables, I borrowed Mum's and snapped this photo as well as the one further above in this post. Some may think that Denmark is a cold, wet European country but it does hold so much beauty, in all its seasons, spring especially according to my mother.
My horse did feel a little bit off in the forrest though, too tight and unresponsive to my commands. We took a brief dressage training back home mostly for obedience reasons and to ensure whatever tightness she felt wasn't permanent. After just ten minutes, she was walking amazingly and she seemed to work through whatever bothered her. We had decided to finally remove her cloth and she was absolutely thrilled to have her bum naked to absorb the sun's rays.
We returned home and the three of us continued to seek to be outside so we simply moved through the house out into the garden. Mum and I with a book each and our dog simply because she follows her pack leader (Mum) and because we were out in her territory (the garden), which she loves. I had learnt Mum my book I Am Pilgrim, which I just finished a couple of weeks ago and felt like would be something she'd like because it's stocked with historical facts and exciting locations. I myself was picking up a new book The Horse Dancer which I am only a fifth into but it is very interesting so far and though horses aren't the main focus, I do love their role as supporting characters.
I actually got out my shorts for the first time this year and just lay out in that and my sports bar. It was so nice being able to just feel the sun on my skin. I've missed it though I probably should remember to put SPF on next time, so I don't damage my skin.
I didn't keep time, another way to completely detach from stress, but after a while I retreated inside and watched some recorded TV. I re-watched The Heat and then two new episodes of the old TV series Numb3rs, which I am currently catching up on. While I watched TV, I munched down on some cookies I baked late last night, following Tanya Burr's recipe here, though I make it only with milk chocolate. It's been my favourite for quite a while and just yesterday I managed to snap up a signed copy of her new cook book, I can't wait to make more delicious baked goods.
My Mum had fallen asleep down outside, cuddled up under her duvet on the sun lounger. She came back inside and we caught up on the newest episode of NCIS together. It's amazing that that show has been running for thirteen seasons! I'm slightly scared that it's turn really bad soon though and they'll "overmilk" their golden goose and produce more just because.
Because my brother went off to one of his friends' houses, we didn't do much for dinner as Mum wasn't hungry as well. I made myself some guacamole and ate that with Nachos chips. I didn't want to fight for the family dinner today, as I usually do, since we had breakfast together thanks to my efforts. I just want us to sit down as least once a day all together. Before we know it, I'll be out of the house and everything will change. We need to treasure the little moments as a family together.
Now, I've retreated upstairs to write this post. I've missed writing on here terribly, which is evident from my extremely long intro, and I want to write much more. It's just that I feel slightly guilty sitting down at my laptop writing this instead of my BA project. Hand in date is the 19th of May and after that I won't feel so guilty I think. However, I'm seeing Troye Sivan in concert two days prior to that and I don't think I could not blog about that. I have also been neglecting my stories on Wattpad lately and I feel bad about it. Hopefully, I can get back to those soon as well.
The rest of my evening, I think, will be about pampering and watching YouTube videos. I just need to go down and get my sheets from the dryer and make my bed first. I'm often so lazy about changing them, because they get covered in dog hairs after one day. But I do like the feel of crisp sheets and with a tidy and clean room, it felt nice to do everything in one go.
I love this. I've missed it. I have so many things running around in my mind all the time and I need to just set time aside for this. It's therapeutic. Just like I allowed myself a day completely detached, I need to find smaller spaces in my busy days for this. Tomorrow, I hope to get lots of work done in the morning so I'll be able to go hang out with friends later. I feel recharged and ready to give it a final push for my BA project in the morning.
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